Gilbetron Recommends: Television
“The mood state Americans are in, on average, when watching television is mildly depressed.”
-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Thank you, Mr. Csikszentmihalyi, for the insight. This is true, at least it certainly is with me. But this does not mean that television itself is the problem. On the contrary! Despite Samuel Goldwyn’s oft-quipped perspective, that “television has raised writing to a new low,” the reality is that television has the opportunity to elevate, cleanse, and inspire us. So stop blaming the tube for all that’s wrong with the world. The solution is really quite obvious: stop watching mindless crap, cuz there’s plenty on the airwaves to be proud of.
One more thing. It’s important. I’ve frequently and relentlessly been accused over the years of being a bit extreme in my endorsements. It’s not uncommon to hear me say “That was the best movie ever“ three times a week. Therefore, to help you differentiate the very best from the regular best, I will note that the first few fall into the category of Tried, Tested, and True. Everything after that is still absolutely wonderful, but I may not necessarily maintain that opinion next week.
TRIED, TESTED, AND TRUE
1. The West Wing. There simply is nothing better, the perfect example of what television could be and should be and needs to be and yet isn’t. For whatever reason, I find this show to be so utterly inspiring that I can’t stop rewatching. Despite a few hiccups later in the show’s run (of which the infamous fifth season is most often cited), the show is always worth it. Even at half-capacity, this show was miles above the competition. In the final analysis, anybody who doesn’t like this show isn’t allowed to be my friend anymore. And that’s that.
2. 24. Maybe it’s a little too obvious. Yes, it leaves you hanging constantly, there’s never any resolution, its unpredictability is absolutely predictable, and every once in a while, in order to surprise us, the writers do things that don’t make any sense at all and stretch credibility to the point where it could wrap around the planet fourteen and a half times … still the most exhilarating show ever. I will watch this show religiously as long as they keep making it, and so should you. I bow down to Jack Bauer, the man who brought new meaning to WWJD.
3. Gilmore Girls. Why? Because I’m a big fat sap, that’s why. I’ve gone through occasional periods of embarrassment and chagrin over my allegiance to les femmes Gilmore and the fine denizens of Stars Hollow, but I’m over it now. I laugh, I cry, I jump up and down and cheer and I will no longer be made to feel ashamed. This is the show for the tender-hearted, the romantics, and the clever among us. There’s a reason this show’s been around for seven years. So look both ways to make sure your friends aren’t watching, and check it out.
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel. My friend Bugsy tried persuading me to give Buffy a chance for many years before I finally relented. I remember when I finally caved: I was sitting in a University of Winnipeg bathroom stall and taped to the door in front of me was a recent newspaper article entitled “Buffy: Why She Slays Us.” At this point, my thought was that if this show was going to insist on being so widespread, I should at least know what it was I was abstaining from. Turns out it’s one of the best things in the world (if you’re a woman, this lands just south of chocolate). It’s magical, scary, and intriguing. The best part is the enormous cast of recurring characters that populate all 7 seasons of Joss Whedon’s supernatural masterpiece and its spinoff.
TTT RUNNER-UPS
5. The X-Files. I love this show. It has the very special distinction of being the first series I ever bought on DVD. David Duchovny’s pretty nifty, as most viewers would agree, but it’s Gillian Anderson that really carries this show. I suppose that’s why I didn’t mind so much when Mulder pulled his eighth season disappearing act; Scully was the reason I was in it for the long-haul anyway. The only thing keeping this off the TTT is that it has the potential to become exhausting. The show begs for answers, begs for resolutions: but don’t hold your breath, because after nine years of tease, the truth doesn’t quite satisfy.
6. Star Trek: The Next Generation / Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. If I had to pick a favourite of these two offerings, it would have to DS9, though my feelings about them are similar enough for them to be lumped together. There’s something about Star Trek, I don’t know what it is, but … I will always love it. In the same way that you look back fondly on your first crush, Gene Roddenberry’s future will always have a place in my heart. It may not be on top anymore, but it will always be there. Now, Voyager and Enterprise (except possibly for the final fourth season) were too disappointing and mediocre to qualify. That said, if they make another series, I’ll be there. Star Trek is sort of a lifetime commitment, so don’t take that step lightly.
7. Lost. This show’s inclusion in the list is a bit conditional on how well they manage to end it. As far as mystery goes, nobody can weave it like these guys. Creme de la freaking creme. Except all that hard work and hours spent could come crashing down should the ending not live up to its promise. The X-Files let me down; this one better not.
STILL ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL (aka “The HBO Triumverate”)
8. Six Feet Under. Unbelievable depression, sadness, and suicidal self-loathing balanced out with immeasurable heaps of compassion and complicated love prove an unforgettable combination. While viewing, keep all alcoholic beverages and armaments out of reach should at any point you be tempted to misuse them. This show was so painful to watch the first time that I’m reluctant to engage in repeat viewings, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be a favourite. In a masochistic kind of way.
9. Sex and the City. Keep out of reach of small children (and even the not-so-small ones). If light is the opposite of dark, on is the opposite of off, and gay is the opposite of straight (though these days that could provoke hearty disagreement), than surely Sex and the City is the opposite of Six Feet Under. Wacky, cutesy, bubble-gummy, and fun. Warm and endearing characters make this a stand-out. It’s beautiful and chic and unquestionably impossible in most every respect, but more than anything else: it’s addictive. Just like Carrie can’t kick her cigarettes, I can’t kick Carrie.
9. The Sopranos. While I may love the Sopranos, somehow I doubt they’d love me. Fortunately, the feelings don’t have to be mutual. If you’re interested in the dark underbelly of Amercia, where hookers are left for dead on street corners and stiffed waiters are whacked for voicing their displeasure, than this is your kind of exhibition. Nudity, violence, and foul language abound in this depiction of modern-day mafia life. Hey, you know you want to …
HONOURABLE MENTIONS: Since every show can’t make the Top 10, these a are worth noting as well. I wouldn’t shake a stick at any of these other memorable series: Desperate Housewives (such a guilty pleasure), Rome (so far so good), Friends (a classic), Big Love (complicated and scandalous), and 3rd Rock from the Sun (fall-off-your-chair-from-laughing-your-ass-off funny).